Recently, a homeschool mom received her planner and, upon browsing through it, wrote me with her thoughts. She indicated disappointment that a “Christian” homeschool planner had areas of “Self Care.” She reflected on an entitled generation all about themselves and emphasized the need for women to give more, do more and think of others more.
Now, I’m sure this gal had good intentions, but let me explain why I included self care in my planners this year. My children are now mostly grown, and reflecting back over my homeschool days, hindsight being 20/20, I realize I struggled with burnout. And wait for it…. sometimes this led to bouts of depression. I powered through because I was taught that being a good Christian mother and wife meant always putting my own wants, and even needs, on the back burner.
I was up at the crack of dawn, and until late into the evening all of my energy was spent giving, doing, and thinking of others. I don’t regret doing for my children and family, but when I have heart-to-hearts with my grown daughters, I emphasize their need to take time for themselves in order to care for others. Jesus left us examples in the Gospel of taking time away to rejuvenate!
My planners this year for homeschool moms, prayerful moms, and busy moms all have an area of self-care that I hope moms will use frequently. Do we have an entitled generation? Yes, but homeschool moms are the ones who give until they can’t give anymore, and that’s not Well Planned!
Merrita Fraker-Marble
I want to say thank you. There is so much truth to what you say about forgetting ourselves as Mom and forgetting about sometimes taking time for ourselves to reenergize. Several times I have fallen into this trap and my son has actually been the one who has suffered. When I got this years planner it was sitting on the counter when my husband came home he flipped through a few pages and pointed out the Self Care section and said you really need to use this. We sat down and prayed about how I was going to use it and how he was going to hold me accountable. We also decided that these time can be as simple as working out, getting my hair cut, or taking a 15 minute walk. Thank you for the gentle reminder that I need to fill my cup so that I can give to my family.
There is definitely truth to the fact that the current generation is a very entitled, but as parents I think we should show our children how to balance caring for others (our families) by giving which we do every day but also by spending time on ourselves so we have more to give.
Rebecca, The Well Planned Gal
Merrita, this speaks volumes! What a treasure to see that your husband recognized the need as well and that you were able to prayerfully approach this together. That is a gift! Thank you so much for taking time to comment and share your story. I’ll be praying with you this year as you work to make these changes in your own habits.
Kelly Little
Hello Rebecca, As a wife and homeschooling mother of three I couldn’t agree with you more. Self-care is an act of love. It not only extends from the person giving (Moms) but we are also teaching our children the importance of quiet, rest, and trust. If we are always on the go go go – aren’t we creating an anxiety filled home. Where we worry if all things aren’t getting done? This is not the type of home that the Lord wants for us. It states clearly in the Bible not to be anxious about anything. Now when there is no rest – surely this sets in – among other symptoms.
I think that we cannot afford to neglect our bodies, mental, and emotional state. Our entire family counts on our strength. If we do not take the time to stop and reflect – how can we be blessed with the peace and joy that is robbed when we are consumed with exhaustion. If we work until we cannot give anymore, then we are working from a perspective of burn out, resentment and simply not giving our very best. Only the Lord has this awesome power. It is up to us to trust HIM fully and learn to stop to rest in order to receive from HIM so we can then give.
I love the self-care reminder! I noticed that if I take even 15 minutes several times a day to do something that is important to me – I am refreshed. It is so differently defined for everybody what that self-care is., but because I do love my family – I take the time to do it.
Finally, in discussing the generation of the entitlement attitude. I’ve thought about it and wondered that the reason this came to be was simply because those parents that “raised” that generation were so exhausted from the go go go, that it was just easy to give superficially to their children, instead of truly and purely giving from a rested state of mind.
Rebecca, The Well Planned Gal
Kelly, I love how you pointed out the anxiety issues that come from neglecting ourselves. I have experienced that myself. And I think you’re right on target with the entitlement thoughts as well. Rest is not easy or intuitive, and I think many moms fear it. I’ve been there myself! When we slow down, we come face to face with the relational aspects that are missing in our families, and we realize that we don’t know how to engage with one another unless we’re constantly working and going. We have to learn to rest and to be relational!
Beth Smith
Well said! I struggle with this and often forget about taking care of a simple thing like enough sleep. I believe if a mom doesn’t take care of themselves in the midst of everything, at least to some extent, how are they going to have full energy to take care of their loves of their family?
Rebecca, The Well Planned Gal
Beth, I missed replying to you earlier, but you are exactly right. In the old example of the airplane emergency procedures – we have to put our own oxygen masks on if we’re going to be able to put the masks on our children!
Leslie Hatheway
I absolutely LOVE the Well planned Day Homeschool Planner. This is my 4th year using the planner and I am so grateful you included a self-care section. Even though I do get out of the house by working part time in the evenings, I still need that reminder to take time for myself.
Rebecca, The Well Planned Gal
Leslie, I missed your comment earlier – thanks so much! I’m so glad you love the planner, and I’m thankful that the self-care section is serving as that reminder. I need the tangible reminder, too!
Rebecca, The Well Planned Gal
The author of the note that spurred this blog post wanted her thoughts to be shared, and I was glad to comply, knowing the importance of seeing all sides of an argument. Here are her thoughts:
I love your planners and have used them every year that I have homeschooled. I think you are an amazing “gal” and truly model the Proverbs 31 woman. With all respect, I would like to offer another perspective. When I see the words, “Self Care” I cringe because I am a selfish being and tend toward my sinful nature of selfishness. I don’t naturally choose to put my God and my husband and my family first. I actually have to work hard not to put myself and my own “needs, wishes, or desires” first. With the plethora of entertainment available to us, how much easier it is for me to stay on my phone scrolling Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, checking emails, or binging on Netflix, than being available to my husband and my children and doing the transformative work of building a home. This is a real battle. Selfishness is a real sin. Let’s encourage women to take care of themselves by spending time in prayer (continually throughout our day), by spending time in the Word (reading it in large chunks and being saturated by it so it forms who we are), by being thankful in all circumstances (even when we don’t have anything else to give, He pours more in when we ask and submit). And yes, the LORD will lead you to get more sleep if you need it, to go to the doctor if you need to, to have coffee with a friend, etc. Jesus never took time to care for himself. He went to His Father in heaven and trusted in the LORD’s care and provision. This is “Soul Care” – a term I am much more comfortable seeing everyday because it doesn’t lead me to temptation to sin, but to reach out to where my true help comes from. Book recommendation: Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle.
– Miranda Mantei
Miranda,
Thank you for wanting to share your perspective publicly!
I want to affirm your comments about the negativity of self-centered, destructive habits like social media or Netflix bingeing. I agree that those are neither Christ-honoring nor restful and restorative. I also agree wholeheartedly that time in prayer and the Word are critical components of taking care of ourselves, and I have written extensively on those topics in many articles that have been published in my planners, in Family Magazine, and on wellplannedgal.com.
One of the realities I’ve discovered is that the components of “Soul Care,” while absolutely essential, focus strictly on our spiritual well-being. God made us whole beings. Spiritual health is critical, but good stewardship demands that we also not ignore our physical, mental, and emotional health. This is why I prefer to use the term “Self Care” – it encompasses the whole being rather than simply focusing on one aspect of who God created us to be. I believe there is a solid distinction between taking care of ourselves and being selfish (which I agree to be a sin!). This is why the examples I give of self care (such as engaging in intentional relationships, spending a few minutes a day learning something new, exercising, reading, or engaging in a creatively fun activity) are examples that nourish us while also glorifying God in all we do.
I respect your preference for a focus on soul care. But I also stand by my choice to use self care to encompass the concept of keeping ourselves nourished and energized to accomplish what God has set before us.